We as a society need to create safe spaces for women to exit such relationships. Here people will start blaming the woman for a divorce or cast aspersions on her character and create such a hostile environment that the abuse victim starts wondering what is worse for her: to stay in an abusive relationship or to face social abuse for exiting it. Hate what the media is doing as it’s one of their own this time. Playing up doubts about the marriage and casting aspersions on the poor girl’s character etc. Anyone who brings in the victim’s character or in any way tries to blame the victim for what her murderer did, should burn in the depths of hell. I have zero tolerance for that kind of nonsense.
I feel that this is something people don’t teach their kids enough. These incidents are also why parents need to start instilling confidence and self-respect in girls at a very young age. And please never ever ever ever spank your children. They will think it is OK for others to hit them and it is not!
It’s not easy to get out of an abusive relationship especially if you are stuck in the hurt-and-rescue cycle! Red flags are always there! Never ignore those. Leaving an abusive relationship is hard, harder than anyone can think of, and you can imagine, if I say something is hard, you very well know that it actually is. The fear associated with abuse and violence cripples you, seeps into your bones, and destroys every ounce of sanity you have. Yes, leaving is the only option and yes, no one should go through any form of physical violence, and hell yes, after surviving countless episodes, it feels like getting killed could have been a kinder fate. It’s the fear of the unknown but let me tell you life is a gift and it’s beautiful. Also, in hurt and rescue cycle makes you doubt your intuition, judgment, and sanity. What doesn’t feel right is not right at all.
I was also in an extremely abusive/poisonous marriage. I could have been killed but I worked my way out with help. Fortunately I was not in Pakistan, had support from authorities for my safety. Took me good 17 years to finish everything. Had to change cities for my safety. Created life all over again. I’m thriving! Living my life to the fullest.
Not to be named
I don’t think I can even begin to imagine what it must be like for someone to live this reality. I guess worse than the physical abuse, it’s the agency being taken away that cripples the victim. Pakistani establishment needs to understand if you apply the justice system only to the poor and not to the well-connected people, the rich people keep getting away, and this bubble will burst eventually. People will eventually turn to vigilantism.
In the end, all I would say, get your support circle and plan to leave in absence of the abuser. Plan!!! Once you leave never to come back, never reconcile, please! I think more women should speak and let those suffering know it’s ok to seek help and get out, and that life goes on. A divorce is not the end of the world.
