Connect with Zorays

Hi, what are you looking for?

sarah inam wikipedia


Are Noor Mukaddam Sarah Inam Murder Cases Dead?

After the Noor Mukaddam-Zahir Jaffer episode, Islamabad has seen yet another high-profile murder of a woman in a case of domestic violence, with very similar parallels:

1. The man came from a very powerful, affluent, influential and rich family

2. Had a case history of abusive and erratic behavior

3. Was into drug and alcohol abuse

4. Was trusted by the victim

It’s sad to see people blessed with everything and yet resort to such abuse and violence. This clears the fact that for someone to be abusive he doesn’t necessarily need to belong to a labor class or be frustrated by the economic conditions however rightly said that the menace of drugs and alcohol is found in both classes.

I believe If someone is unable to take charge of their life and is into drugs… It’s clearly a red flag…A humanitarian

The danger sign for me is drug abuse. Both men were educated, intelligent, and well-traveled. They would probably have carried a great conversation otherwise on many worldly matters. However, the rampant drug abuse, especially in all classes of our society is producing psychopaths capable of the worst crimes. We have a real social problem. Pakistani law will take its slow and uneasy way, and we may eventually see the murderer being hanged (perhaps!), but for the ladies out there, the warning signs are now clear.

Please don’t ignore physical or psychological abuse

I would like to add that even in their ‘drug-induced rage’, they know where to draw the line as far as their mothers, sisters, and other family members are concerned. The victims are always wives and girlfriends. Sometimes and sometimes not. There were cases recently of men attacking their mothers and sisters (like the two brothers in Peshawar) which only came to the limelight because someone recorded it. This kind of mindset just looks at women as inferior beings.

I speak from personal experience I got addicted to abuse and went through solitude therapy through traveling, living alone made me stronger. On the other hand I am thankful to my abuser for making me strong enough and the woman I am today I wouldn’t have been. Life experiences taught me to stand up for myself and be vocal. I make my own choices and I’m the decision maker of my life, this needs to be understood by all. Life is beautiful!Not to be named

Very sad and pathetic to learn about these murders. What boggles one’s mind is why the hell would educated ladies tolerate such behaviors even so that there is abundant awareness available at least for the educated class. Moreover, I was discussing with someone how these educated women with so much exposure fall for such men. The first moment it happens, get the hell out. Doesn’t matter if it’s a marriage or a relationship. Get out. Doesn’t matter how many years you’ve been in it or how many times he’s apologized.

Should Abuse also be reported to the police?

There is no honor in tolerating abuse and no dignity in covering it up. Get out and any idiot who comes to counsel you to stay in that messed up a relationship because of social pressure etc, distance yourself from that person too. The law isn’t going to save your hide, sadly, as we have a social tolerance for domestic abuse. Act in self-defense, and act when the first red flag shows up. Don’t become another news item. I have female friends who have stayed or are in abusive relationships – Get. Out. It can happen to any woman from any background, education, or financial means, and be done by any man, regardless of his social standing or education. Your life is more important. Get out.

A lot of it has to do with a lack of consequences and accountability. Had Zahir Jaffer of Adamjee Insurance not been mollycoddled by the system and properly incarcerated instead of a half-hearted attempt of putting him in a hospital while continuing his supply of luxury chocolates and colognes, Shahnawaz and his parents might have acted a tad bit more responsibly. I know men who wouldn’t raise their voices, let alone fists at women, as accountability has been ingrained in them since childhood. They know their parents will break their legs before they get a chance to mistreat someone’s daughter.

Love and respect should be the operative denominators

Ironically liberals used to blame religion and tribal culture for domestic violence. To them, misuse of religion and tribal mentality could be it. Some may argue that domestic violence has nothing to do with drug addiction or usage. Domestic violence is always about power and control. Any partner who exhibits any form of anger management issues is a red flag. In the absence of love, respect, or both, living in one’s own company could be beautiful.

Another issue is that society has internalized marriage as a solution and a success barometer that pressurizes girls into jumping into wrong decisions. Sara was from the best-rated Canadian university and had a stellar international career, could have led a wonderful solo flight. Companionship, love, and respect somehow get diluted in the need for validation and peer pressure as a successful married girl, pushing girls to put up with so much nonsense.

Success to me isn’t being popular in a boisterous company which internally makes one uncomfortable because the value systems might not be consistent. It’s so important to understand that whether it’s a marital relationship or just friends, till one is completely happy, it’s better to be happy with one’s own hobbies, activities, and spirituality.

Marriage is beautiful but unfortunately I lost trust in marriage- it has no meaning to me anymore. To me now having survived an abusive marriage; love and respect are the needs in a healthy relationship. Forgiveness and gratitude give you the patience to be alone and enjoy your own company. I indulge in adventures all on my own. Very comfortably I can go for fine dining on my own. I seek relationship for companionship. Alhamdullillah I am financially independent, I seek relationship in which I feel emotionally safe and protected. In short, from my experience, emotional and physical safety are far more important than financial dependence on man.Not to be named

To be comfortable in one’s own company is not something that can be taught. This programming starts at a very young age. I can be wrong. I feel it comes when you are able to follow your heart, regulate your own emotions and accept yourself and forgive yourself for letting someone abuse you. Indeed that’s a harsh reality but through moral support from family, this can be made possible!

Economic dependence is another reason women can’t get out

Women and children are the easiest targets and as the economic and social pressures are growing, they are the most vulnerable. I guess it’s a global phenomenon. Bad times.

A casual read-through of last week’s papers reveals the following

1. Man burns wife

2. Woman shot dead for honor killing

3. Daughter was killed for crying too loudly.

Advertisement. Scroll to continue reading.

We are faced with a broader malaise. Not one that can be easily explained away by attributing it to the judgment of women alone. This has become a social problem and isn’t by any means an isolated incident.

Many are stuck because of this issue. That’s why it’s really important to educate daughters and encourage them to have their own career interests. No one should be in an abusive marriage because of financial constraints. Most are because of that reason.

Second is no family support

We as a society need to create safe spaces for women to exit such relationships. Here people will start blaming the woman for a divorce or cast aspersions on her character and create such a hostile environment that the abuse victim starts wondering what is worse for her: to stay in an abusive relationship or to face social abuse for exiting it. Hate what the media is doing as it’s one of their own this time. Playing up doubts about the marriage and casting aspersions on the poor girl’s character etc. Anyone who brings in the victim’s character or in any way tries to blame the victim for what her murderer did, should burn in the depths of hell. I have zero tolerance for that kind of nonsense.

I feel that this is something people don’t teach their kids enough. These incidents are also why parents need to start instilling confidence and self-respect in girls at a very young age. And please never ever ever ever spank your children. They will think it is OK for others to hit them and it is not!

It’s not easy to get out of an abusive relationship especially if you are stuck in the hurt-and-rescue cycle! Red flags are always there! Never ignore those. Leaving an abusive relationship is hard, harder than anyone can think of, and you can imagine, if I say something is hard, you very well know that it actually is. The fear associated with abuse and violence cripples you, seeps into your bones, and destroys every ounce of sanity you have. Yes, leaving is the only option and yes, no one should go through any form of physical violence, and hell yes, after surviving countless episodes, it feels like getting killed could have been a kinder fate. It’s the fear of the unknown but let me tell you life is a gift and it’s beautiful. Also, in hurt and rescue cycle makes you doubt your intuition, judgment, and sanity. What doesn’t feel right is not right at all.

I was also in an extremely abusive/poisonous marriage. I could have been killed but I worked my way out with help. Fortunately I was not in Pakistan, had support from authorities for my safety. Took me good 17 years to finish everything. Had to change cities for my safety. Created life all over again. I’m thriving! Living my life to the fullest.Not to be named

I don’t think I can even begin to imagine what it must be like for someone to live this reality. I guess worse than the physical abuse, it’s the agency being taken away that cripples the victim. Pakistani establishment needs to understand if you apply the justice system only to the poor and not to the well-connected people, the rich people keep getting away, and this bubble will burst eventually. People will eventually turn to vigilantism.

In the end, all I would say, get your support circle and plan to leave in absence of the abuser. Plan!!! Once you leave never to come back, never reconcile, please! I think more women should speak and let those suffering know it’s ok to seek help and get out, and that life goes on. A divorce is not the end of the world.

Disclaimer: Today I am highlighting the issue of marriage distraught followed with a piece of sane advice as I read through a Facebook post by Tughral Turab Bhai. The article contains excerpts of actual commentary.

Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You May Also Like


Whenever Indian media talks about Mig 21 and Abhinandhan, they never forget to remind about he downed F-16 etc. Same remind me the Indian...


It is the start of July and by the mid of July, the undisputed King Fruit Mangoes most liked type White Chaunsa (also called...


Eighty terrorists are killed in the past week following the third anniversary of the 27th February incident. And now, this time, they sent in...


Most Viewed Posts

  1. niche Niche And Event Blogging – Scaling Beyond 10 Lac & Making Money (17,847)
    What do you want to be known for? What could you teach? What can you influence? Or what do you want to influence? What is your area of expertise? What do you know that others in your industry don’t? Identifying your uniqueness and value is easier said than done. For those of you wondering how […]
  2. hope fore semis still alive Can Pakistan still qualify for the Worldcup 2023 semifinals? (9,462)
    Again resorting to ifs and buts, as usual. Certainly, Pakistan still has a chance to qualify for the semifinals. However, it's imperative that they win all the remaining matches decisively to secure their spot. The team must bring out their best performance to outshine their rivals in the upcoming games. Otherwise, to be honest, the […]
  3. syed asim munir ahmad shah [Confirmed] General Asim Munir Shah appointed as the New Army Chief of Pakistan (8,527)
    Shahbaz Sharif was in London for a reason. He has appointed General Asim Munir as COAS. Clearly, General Asim was my favorite candidate for the next Army Chief appointment. This announcement came just in time, as Lieutenant General Syed Asim Munir Ahmed Shah would have been retiring on 22nd November 2022, next to him is […]
  4. Arshad Sharif Journalist Fled Pakistan and Never Came Back (7,897)
    Reader discretion! Arsched Sharif on doubts of mistaken identity was killed with nine bullets by the Kenyan Police as his car breached a security checkpoint. Some say he was neutralized with a sniper by ISI. Whereas, he was compelled to leave UAE on state request and the only visa-free ticket he could avail was of […]
  5. Tim Hortons Tim Hortons The Cheapest Coffee from Canada Now Being Served in Pakistan (7,629)
    Lahoris and Tim Hortons Pakistan made history by setting a new global record for the highest opening day sales in the brand's history since 1964. With over 5,352 restaurants across 15 countries, Tim Hortons has established itself as a household name and a go-to destination for coffee and baked goods. This latest achievement is a […]
  6. valentine's day Celebrate Haya Day – Valentine’s day is Haram (7,435)
    In essence, Valentine's Day is not representative of "true love" but rather the affection lacking dedication seen in relationships between partners, partners with others outside of the relationship, and mistresses. This is essentially a manifestation of promiscuity and indulgence in carnal desires, which contributes to immorality. What are you marking this day as? Are you […]
  7. markhor Major General Faisal The Real Markhor (6,791)
    A strong reaction of ISPR to the baseless allegations against Major General Faisal Naseer, DG-C of Pakistan Army and ISI: The honor of the soldiers is being tarnished by making accusations for the sake of personal interests. The institution will vanguard its officers and soldiers. No one will be allowed to disrespect the institution or […]
  8. petrol price in pakistan tomorrow How Petrol Prices Are Set? (6,710)
    Internatonal oil prices are down by approximately 10$ per barrel and USD at 25 Rs. The simple question is when oil became cheap in the world market, why did the current Government make it expensive? Presumedly, the sole reason for the increase in petrol price is the opening of LC of PSO when the exchange […]
  9. nadra pakistan birth certificate verification online How to get Pakistani Citizenship for your newborn (6,685)
    Pakistan, despite being a developing or underdeveloped country, rarely offers its nationality to the visiting baby of foreigners. The first stipulation is that birth has to occur in Pakistan. Both parents have to be registered with NADRA. If you have a newborn or a child who needs to be conferred with Pakistani nationality. The process […]
  10. seo-keywords SEO Keywords – Khul ja Sim Sim Khazana – Urdu/Hindi (6,644)
    If you want to learn SEO to make your own money before you could apply for an internship or a job. Take this course! Khul Jaa SimSim. Secret Code of Success.  How we can lead the world by understanding the Secret Code of the 21st Century! Learn How to get started with Keywords using Tools; SEMrush, SPyFu, and MOZ. […]
  11. punjabi song A list of The Punjabi Tribes (6,604)
    Jatts — Warrior and Farmer in one. Started getting comfortable with farming life around the sixteenth 100 years. Some Jatt families are: Waraich, Sandhu, Dhillon, Bajwa. Cheema and so forth. Some Bhatti, Chinna, Rai, Tiwana, and Uppal are viewed as Jatts. Punjabi Rajputs (Rajay, Ranay, Rai) — Took the Rajput titles, either because of the […]
  12. tafseer [List] Tafseer E Quran – Authentic Interpretations of Quran (6,038)
    What basically is the Quran? It is everything that resembles a constitution having rules and regulations for leading a peaceful, meaningful life. It contains those secrets about the universe which when understood in a real manner will take man to the heights of success. اگر تقلید بودی شیوۂ خوب پیمبر ھم رہ اجداد رفتی اقبال […]
  13. Betting in Pakistan is illegal The rise of Betting in Pakistan (6,018)
    You might have noticed during PSL matches that 1XBAT appears on Karachi King's jersey and in advertisements. The team Multan is sponsored by Wolfnews, which is actually a renamed version of a betting website. Additionally, Dafa News, which is one of the main sponsors of PSL, is quite similar to Dafabet. It's worth noting that […]
  14. psl seven PSL Seven Cricket Tournament Final 2022 – Lahore Qalanders versus Multan Sultans (5,936)
    How tables have turned, while Six dominant PSL 2022 teams from each region of Pakistan are featuring this PSL happening in Pakistan, IPL will be taking place in Mumbai starting 26 March after its last version in Dubai for obvious reasons. Tomorrow is going to be the PSL final 2022 between Lahore Qalanders and Multan Sultans which […]
  15. pakistani seafood recipes Forty-Two Popular Fish Types In Pakistan (5,916)
    As of today, the price for cut chicken per Kilogram ranges from anywhere Rs. 515 to Rs. 600. Whereas, Fish is still at the rate of Rs. 400 per Kg. Fish is a good alternate for chicken as it falls in white meat category. If we had to personally kill the animals that we consume […]
  16. shoaib malik Shoaib Malik-Sania Mirza Another Failed Celebrity Marriage? (5,514)
    It seems like just yesterday when the media got all hyped for the 24-carat One Kilogram of weight Gold crown bestowed by Firdaus Ashiq Awan on behalf of the Sialkot community to Sania Mirza on Shoaib Malik's wedding. Celebrity marriages never last. That is the cliché being echoed around the world, from Hollywood to Lollywood […]
  17. basant Basant Festival Happening Again in Pakistan Ever (5,460)
    First and foremost if you are here for the investment guide book of Basant Maheshwani we are not discussing that. Basant, the kite fighting competition, the once biggest event in the history of old Lahore is ever missed from the core of the Lahori public. Lahoris have been deprived of their right to flying colors […]
  18. arshad nadeem Arshad Nadeem is a better sportsman than Imran Khan (5,380)
    I don't know if you've heard, but Pakistani athletes are a bunch of geniuses. They're so good at sports that they win medals. Recently, Pakistanis added eight medals including Two Gold, Three Silver, and Three Bronze medallions in Common Wealth Games 2022. They merely highlight the unrealized potential. Singapore, a country with a population the size of Faisalabad, has more medals (Twelve) overall.  It is wonderful to see Pakistani athletes succeeding at the Commonwealth Games and to see Pakistanis becoming aware that there are sports besides cricket. These athletes do well not as a result of […]
  19. babar azam and virat kohli comparison Time To Prove Babar Azam is better than Virat Koli (5,334)
    Exactly, one year ago, I was in Sharjah with my wife Iman witnessing Pak vs Scotland group stage match. Pakistan had already qualified for the semi-finals. Today, the cricket frenzy has taken over the Pakistani nation all over again. Babar Azam is probably the greatest T20I captain for Pakistan. But he has to prove it. […]
  20. Global Freelancing: Countries Dominating the Gig Economy (5,311)
    I had a fight with Kalsoom Lakhani over copying the content of this article on LinkedIn. Now that I have your attention, four years down the lane this content is still relevant. Outsourcing jobs over the internet to use individuals as cheap labor is called the “Gig Economy”. Any time you still have “employees” reporting […]